5 Steps To A Stronger Post Divorce You

As a marriage deteriorates, damage occurs to both parties.  

Do you wish that you felt strong after your divorce?  Do you find yourself struggling to understand where you power went?

At first in your marriage, the erosion to your core strength and power probably started off slow.  It usually starts with a not-so-gentle blow to your self-esteem in the form of an unkind word that isn’t so easily forgotten or a mild/aggressive gesture of disrespect.

These small “hits” to your power slowly add up until one day, you find yourself alone with a pending divorce.  A broken shell of what you used to be, you look at the stranger staring back at you in the mirror and you wonder what the hell happened to your life,  You ask yourself…

Will I ever be the strong again?  Will I ever be whole again?

The answer to the first question is ‘no’.  You will never be the same person that you were before your divorce.  It is okay to grieve the loss of that ‘you’ because she served her purpose.  She helped you survive until now.

However, from the shattered pieces of that lost survivor, you can say ‘yes’ to the second question.  You can and will create a stronger, more resilient and powerful you. 

A strong version of yourself that is more complete and able to put the pieces back together in a way that celebrates your different but healthier form.

  1. Give yourself the gift of time – I know you have probably heard this a thousand times but it really is the first step. Take the time to that YOU need to heal and give yourself the luxury of feeling.  Feelings are not bad, while they can be uncomfortable, they are absolutely vital to healing. 
  2. Pick up the pieces – Collect and get reacquainted with and collect every single shard of yourself.  Explore every new facet of yourself, both as you were and as you are in this moment.  Even pick up the ugly/dark pieces that you would rather not acknowledge.
  3. Get clear – Redefine what it is to be you.  Who do you want to become?  How do you want others to see you?  What life do you want to be living?
  4. Channel your inner puzzle master – Lay every piece of yourself out and take the time to determine how or if each piece fits into your new vision of yourself and your life.
  5. Let go with love – When a piece of your old self doesn’t fit the new you, try not to judge it as right or wrong, bad or good.  Instead, celebrate that you no longer need that piece and let it go with love.

Move forward with the knowledge that while you can’t change the past, that you can embrace the future.  I will leave you with a quote from the book, “You Can If You Think You Can” by Dr. Normal Vincent Peale

“One of the greatest moments in anybody’s developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.”

Share something you have recently given up to get you closer to the strong, new and improved version of you in the comments section below.


Do you want help finding your strength again after divorce?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.


This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.
About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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