Have The Peaceful Exchange Your Children Deserve

You have just spent an amazing weekend with your children. You went to the Zoo on Saturday and for once, everyone got along. It’s Sunday morning, everyone has slept in and you actually had time to cook a big breakfast. Well, okay, maybe by the time everyone is up, it’ll be more like “breakfast for lunch”. As your Sunday progresses, you find yourself getting more and more anxious. You realize that in less than an hour, it’s time for the exchange.

This realization pushes your anxiety levels through the roof. You know that your beautiful weekend is about to come to an abrupt and likely explosive end. This knowledge makes you tense, frustrated, shaky and jumpy. What will “he/she” attack you about today? What will be the thing that sets “her/him” off this time? Why does “he/she” always explode at me in front of the kids?

Do you find yourself in the middle of an exchange nightmare every week?

If so, you are not alone!

If your exchanges aren’t peaceful then it’s time to begin to transform them into the calm and respectful experience that you and your children deserve. I’m not just talking about the way you interact with your ex or children during the exchange, I am talking about the way you approach the entire exchange. What I recommend is that you demonstrate the behaviors that you would for a professional meeting and embody the peaceful exchange you envision for your children.

3 Strategies to Begin to Transform Into A Peaceful Exchange

Confirm all the details about the exchange in writing (either via text or email). This will ensure there is no confusion about the date, time or location you are supposed to meet.

  • Be crystal clear about the date, time and location of the exchange well in advance. It should be some place public, the exchange should take place at a time the location is open for business and between both your homes.
  • Be on-time EVERY TIME! Give yourself so much extra time to reach the location that you have time to wait and say a relaxed goodbye to your children before the other parent arrives.

I encourage you to start creating the peaceful exchange that you envision for yourself and your children. Unfortunately, your ex may not follow your lead at first. That is why it is important that you schedule and confirm all exchanges in advance and in writing.  Eventually, if you are consistent and continue to follow these strategies you are more likely to achieve the peaceful exchanges that you envision.

If you found this post helpful or if you would like more strategies that will help you turn the chaos of divorce into a calm, confident and respect filled life, you might also enjoy reading 3 Professional Co-Parenting Strategies.



Do you want help with the transitioning from marriage to divorce with integrity?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session



If there is a history or suspicion of current abuse happening in your relationship with your ex, it is highly recommended that exchanges happen only during daylight hours and that they occur at a local police substation.

About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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