Tolerance: The Key Ingredient For Peace And Calm

Divorce is an adversarial process.  It can turn the person you once loved enough to marry, into someone you now feel is your enemy. If you want to be able to move towards living a peaceful and calm life, it is important that you learn to have tolerance towards your former spouse. Which includes, tolerance towards their feelings about you, towards the way that they parent differently than you do, and towards the way they choose to move forward with their lives.

3 Steps to Building Tolerance for Peaceful Exchanges

  • Acknowledge that you have no control of their feelings for you.
  • Acknowledge that they are entitled to have a different relationship with your children than the one you have with them.
  • Understand that if your vision of the future was the same as their vision, you would probably still be married.

Note: This does not mean you have to tolerate negative or high conflict behavior from your former spouse. However approaching your interactions with your former spouse with an understanding of their motivations will give you the opportunity to approach those interactions from a place of logic instead of a place of emotion.

Dealing with a High-Conflict Ex? You are not alone!

Here are 4 Tips To Communicating with a High-Conflict Ex

  • Limit in person contact
  • Avoid using words that evoke emotions and/or feelings
  • Keep your end of the conversation brief, factual and to the point
  • Avoid offering your opinion

Note: This takes practice!!!

Yes, this takes practice and it is precisely where working that tolerance muscle will help. I encourage you to envision using these strategies and the benefits you will gain from them. By building your tolerance, gaining an understanding of what drives your former spouse’s negative behavior, and combining these two with the tips for improving communication with them, you will start to see an improvement in the level of chaos they inflict in your life.

Did you find this helpful but you want more information on the subject of communicating with your high-conflict ex?


Do you want help cultivating tolerance or improving communication with your ex?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.


Note:  This or any advice given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.

About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.


  • dgkaye

    Reply Reply September 25, 2017

    Loving your blog Heather. I’m not sure why I’m not getting notifications? I see your sign up is for updates from your blog and podcasts. I signed up for podcasts awhile ago. Can you check if I’m on your email list? I’m trying to avoid duplicate emails (which I’ve got at least 30 of from other blogs, lol 🙂 <3

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