3 Strategies to Marriage Counseling Success

So you want to attend marriage counseling and preferably sooner rather than later?

First, consider these four questions before attending counseling:   

  • What do you want from your marriage?
  • What goals do you want to reach through therapy?
  • How does your ideal marriage work?
  • What impact does your individual happiness have on your marriage issues?

If you jump into therapy without considering these key questions, you risk getting frustrated and being unsuccessful in your attempts to correct the issues you are experiencing in your relationship. If you start by answering these questions now, before you start marriage counseling, you will be able to start work on your relationship now. Think about your marriage as it stands now, your issues and the way that they make you feel.

Do these things describe how you would like your marriage to work and how you want to feel about your marriage?

If not, it’s time to begin reflecting on the way you approach your relationship.

If you envision the way you want your marriage to be once you have completed marriage counseling, you can start creating change now to achieve your vision. I’m not just talking about changing the way you approach your partner and your marital issues. I am talking about envisioning the way you want your entire relationship to be forever. What I recommend is that you embody the changes that you would want to see in your ideal marriage.

3 Strategies to Marriage Counseling Success

  • Reflect on your marriage – The issues you are experiencing and what you really want from your relationship.
  • Open discussion – Using “I” statements, discuss with your partner what you would like to attain from marriage counseling.
  • Give your partner time to digest! – After you drop the bombshell that you want to attend marriage counseling, give them time to not only adjust to the news but also to decide what it is they would like to attain from attending.

American Psychological Association (APA) is a great resource for finding and researching therapist in your area.  I encourage you to be open to all possibilities. There are many different types of counselors and therapists out there, each with their own style and specialization.  There are even psychologists available through many work related EAP programs and other community programs in your area.  

If you and your partner can’t agree on the need to attend marriage counseling, that is okay. If you or your partner do not believe marriage counseling will be effective in helping you through your issues as a couple, that is okay too.

Pushing someone into attending counseling who does not feel that it will be effective will not make your marital issues any better.

Another option to consider is individual therapy to work on your own thoughts, feelings, issues and then revisit the topic of marriage counseling at a later date.  Remember that counseling isn’t a “bad” thing, its a tool that if used properly can help you improve all your relationships, including the one with yourself.  Learn a little bit about how I used counseling to help me improve my parenting skills and ultimately my relationship with my children through my divorce.  If I was able to do it, so can you.


Do you want help with the transitioning from marriage to divorce with integrity?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.



Note: If there is a history or suspicion of current abuse happening in your relationship with your ex and you are concerned that the mention of marriage counseling will inflame your partner, seek individual counseling with someone trained in abuse.


This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.
About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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