Divorce Embarrassment: How Relationship Failures Can Equal Strength

“Don’t let the embarrassment over the end of your marriage keep you from enjoying a lifetime of happiness and strength.”

Have I mentioned that I have been divorced twice?  I used to be embarrassed about the fact. Because, in my own terms, I was such a failure at relationships. I felt embarrassed over what I thought I couldn’t do right.  Or the fact that I was divorced twice. For a long time, I allowed that feeling to keep me from opening up in relationships. 

I didn’t really talk about why I made the choices that I made. I stayed longer then I should have stayed in some relationships. Why? Because I dreaded having to say, “I tried it again and it didn’t work.”

I learned that pride is not kind and it was not kind to me in those relationships. 

This quote came from me talking about my experiences where my pride kept me longer.  Or, where I didn’t fully allow myself to be open to happiness because of my embarrassment. Here is what I finally learned from those years of isolation and two failed marriages.

In the history of human kind, there have been more relationships that have ended then that have been successful. 

I realized that most people aren’t fortunate enough to fall in love with one person for life. That most don’t get to stay married or in a relationship with that ONE person for their entire lives. That is not how our species is wired.

What actually happens is that we have those starts of love or those phases of love. People that we fall in love with in our lives that we are only meant to love in that moment.   Remember that if all relationships were destined to work out, we would never have breakups, but we do!

If you shouldn’t be embarrassed, what’s the alternative?

Rather than be embarrassed by your “failures” in your relationships, take the time to learn from them.  Acknowledge that you could have done things differently.  Once you do that, you can implement changes that will allow you to have more choices.  Then you will be less likely to repeat those same mistakes in your next relationship. 

You’ll mostly likely make new ones mistakes but hopefully not the same ones. 

Eventually, you will finally learn what it is to truly be loving and selfless in a relationship.  What it feels like to be connected to your partner.  That can’t happen if that embarrassment about what you “should have” done keeps you from having happiness and strength. There’s a strength that comes from saying, “Yeah, I messed up and what’s your point?”

Everybody messes up.

Everybody messes up in relationships and everybody makes mistakes in their lives.  Take the strength and take that “failure” and turn it into a learning experience.  Learn from it and try to implement changes so that maybe the next time you have a different outcome. 

For the love of all that is holy, stop beating yourself up. Try to remember that they’re not all destined to be great loves.  Sometimes they’re destined to be the loves that you needed at that point to teach you that lesson.

If you would like more information on this topic, I invite you to a complimentary coaching session with me.


This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.
About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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