Infidelity: It Happened To Me Too

5 Questions That Will Help You Move Past Your Exes Infidelity.

I would love to be unable to write about moving past infidelity from a personal perspective. Sadly, I can’t.  In fact, when asked to address this topic, I hesitated because I was embarrassed to even think about my experience.

I felt as though admitting that I had personal experience with infidelity would somehow be admitting that I was to blame or that I was less of a woman (whatever that means) because I couldn’t “keep my man satisfied.”  

The reality is that people cheat for any number of reasons,

which may or may not have anything to do with you.

However, hiding from the word ‘infidelity’ doesn’t make anyones experience any less real.  Moving past your exes infidelity is entirely up to you.  Remain a victim of their behavior is a choice that only you can make.  Just as the choice to punish yourself and others for the actions of your ex is also in your hands.

So, how do you heal and move past your exes infidelity?

You start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • Am I willing to allow his/her actions to continue to define me?
  • Am I allowing this experience to continue to consume me?
  • Could I/would I have done anything differently that would have prevented or changed the outcome of our relationship?  If so, what and why?
  • Am I willing to risk finding a partner who loves and respects me, in order to hold onto my hurt and anger over my exes infidelity?
  • Am I willing to allow someone who obviously didn’t appreciate my value to continue to determine my worth?

If you find yourself adding a “but” to your answer (Yes, but ___), stop right there. 

Words have power. 

When you use a qualifying word like “but” when answering questions about yourself, you create an excuse to continue and justify your current actions and state of mind.  If you have read this far, then a part of you is ready for change.

Change won’t happen if you continue to excuse and justify your current state of mind.  At the end of the day, moving forward has nothing to do with your spouses infidelity and everything to do with how you value yourself.  If you answered ‘yes’ to any one of those questions, you may have transferred your personal power to your relationship and your former partner.

Since you don’t have the power to control anyone else’s past, present or future behavior, your time would be better spent rediscovering what makes you feel happy, valuable and powerful.  Learn how to enjoy your own company.  Empower yourself with independence and learn to trust your intuition.

Try to keep in mind that as much as divorce represents the death of a relationship, it also represents a chance for your rebirth.  Focus on becoming the person you deserve in a partner and not the person who your ex partner took for granted.


Would you like an opportunity to work with me?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.



This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.

About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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