A step towards putting your divorce in your past

Put Your Divorce In Your Past

The time immediately following divorce can be really hard.  There are so many changes to get used to and so many tasks to learn how to do on your own.  Taking the time to adjust to all of these changes is both “normal” and healthy.

But what happens when you stay there, stuck in that turmoil, unable to move forward?

When I went through my second divorce, I was not the one who ended things and it was a completely different experience for me.  I was bitter and angry.  I clung onto the life that I had instead of focusing on the life that I was going to create.

I hated my tiny apartment because it wasn’t the luxury home that we had shared.  I was angry at my ex because he was able to move on so quickly, like it hadn’t mattered – like I had never existed in his life.

I doubted myself, my worth and my value.  All of these hurtful, angry and sad feelings began to affect my work and my grades in school.  I eventually ended up dropping out and I stopped pursuing anything that brought me joy.  The worst part was that it also affected my parenting.

I finally got to a point where I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I didn’t enjoy my own company and I doubt that anyone else enjoyed my company then either.  Something had to change and I needed a place to start.

I made a simple change that made a huge impact.  It was also a change that few think about, especially since most fight so hard for these items during the asset settlement part of the divorce.

I slowly sold all the items that I kept as part of our settlement agreement.

As time went on, I found myself getting more and more pissed every time that I had to “squeeze” around the couch because my new living room area was WAY too small for it.  When I watched the 42 in plasma TV, I was reminded that it had been my wedding gift to HIM!  Every where I looked, I was reminded of the life that I thought I would be living.

I sold them because I realized that as long as those reminders were part of my life that I wouldn’t be able to move forward.  I needed peace from my memories and the only way that I was going to get that was by letting go of the daily reminders.

I took the time to replace them with items that fit my style and budget, which was empowering and liberating.  I also created new memories with my children by including them in the selection process.  With each item that I replaced, our apartment transformed from being a place we lived to being a home filled with new memories.

What about you? 

Do you have items around your home that are a constant reminder? 

What would it feel like to let them go?


 

Do you want help with the transitioning from marriage to divorce with integrity?  Contact me today to schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.

 


This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.

About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

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