How I Broke Free Of My Divorce Isolation

After my first divorce (yes… yes… I still love having to number them), I realized how incredibly isolated and lonely my life had become.  I had very few friends left after my marriage.  Eventually, I had become ashamed at the state of my life.  I hated the thought of sharing my story with others.  This shame led to an even deeper sense of isolation.

My world revolved around my children and my work

As a result, when my children would go to their dad’s, I was a hot mess who barely functioned.  I would work as much as possible and sleep the rest of the time.  I didn’t recognize the life that I was living and I started to wonder what had happened to that ah-mazing life that I had convinced myself that I would be living once I was a single woman again.

Sadly, I didn’t realize what I was missing until after my second divorce.  It took creating an amazingly supportive friendship with another single mother for me to realize what I had been missing all along.

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I was missing connection

Before my marriage, I was a vibrant, active and very social young woman.  I had an amazing network of friends, family and women surrounding me.  That network no longer existed for me.  I had become a quiet, muted version of my former self.

I set out to create conscious, intentional friendships with other women.  I wanted to learn how to be  present with other single mothers and to learn how to support myself and my children with the combined power of other women who wanted to do the same.

From left to right, Rala Brubaker, Gina Stenbeck and Me. Photo is courtesy of Alan Stenbeck

From left to right, Rala Brubaker, Gina Stenbeck and Me. Photo is courtesy of Alan Stenbeck.

I encourage you to do what I did and break the isolation and loneliness of your divorce by expanding your circle of support.

  • Join a women’s group at your church
  • Join a local moms group
  • Find other single mothers that live in your area
  • Make friends with your children friends parents

There are even Facebook Groups devoted to creating supportive communities for single mothers.  In fact, I have created just such a group.  It’s called Chaos to Calm Moms, and the best part is that you don’t have to be divorced to join.

The point I would like you to understand is that you are not alone in your struggle.  You have the power to break free of the isolation and loneliness.  You are amazing and I am here to tell you that there is a community of single mothers out there that will love and welcome you… crazy divorce story and all.

So what are you waiting for… Get out there and go find your community and if you can’t find one, do what I did and make your own!


 

Do you want help breaking free of your post divorce isolation?  Schedule your complimentary 30 minute Chaos to Calm Power Session.

 


This or any advice that has been given by Heather Debreceni is not meant to replace or superseded the advice of your attorney or the acting family therapist involved in your case and does not constitute legal or psychological counseling.
About The Author

Heather Debreceni

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process. Like many mothers in her situation, she naively thought that getting divorced would be the end of the chaos that her failing marriage had created in her and her children’s lives. She now uses her divorce experience to create strategic divorce coaching programs which help mothers turn the chaos of divorce into confident, calm and respect filled lives. Heather is the Founder and Host of the Empowered Divorce Summit which empowers individuals as they navigate through the divorce process. Now a podcast, it provides listeners with access to insightful interviews with experts on divorce, relationships and parenting. She is also an Ordained Non-Denomination Christian Reverend as well as a student of the Buddhist & First Nationals faith and spirituality. Heather supports her clients as they walk through the spiritual rebirth that occurs for many women after divorce. Heather also tours around the country with her family giving talks about Divorce, Ethics, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Spirituality and Women's Empowerment as well as teaching about Leadership, Business and Entrepreneurship.

5 Comments

  • Rala

    Reply Reply January 30, 2016

    Love this post! We all leave for our private reasons and often it’s a realization we aren’t really living within our marriage. I thought , “I’ll be free every other weekend to do what I want to do so I’ll get ME back!”. Well, hello 4 years later and I’m finally getting me back! It’s so easy to fall down and get consumed by kids, life, divorce guilt without this support. Thanks Heather for reminding and giving us all permission to claim our joyful adventure!

    • Heather Debreceni

      Reply Reply January 30, 2016

      Hi Rala!

      You have definitely started making up for lost time. I am happy that I have been blessed to be next to you as you have created your amazing JoyVenture.

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